Self-Realization

breathe deep...

another day...

i hear nova stirring in her crib. I have a few minutes left to my Self, so I'm making an entry. Pretty soon, paper will be obsolete and all we will have are .docs and blog entries. just a thought.

i'm trying to decided what to do with my day. I know laundry needs done and dishes ran, but i don't feel like it. I think I'll go to a store of some sort. I should go to the mall and get my wedding ring resized since I was finally able to pull it from my finger. I'm trying not to collect any more "things". I'm sick of being a constant consumer. I am intent upon creating a life of Simple Abundance for my family that I am now the matriarch of. I want to exist in the memories of others as a marvelous mother, most importantly in my daughter's memories of me.

Mandala Project

Checking out the Mandala Project homepage. I'm really enjoying this latest phase. The last collage I did (i'll post a pic, soon) had many mandalas in it. And a lot of Sunshine!

Sunshine State, here I come...

I'm not sure how to handle my DH being gone away from us for so long. He'll be setting up his new job and our new rental home at the Cove. Then Nova and I will follow him down when he comes to move our worldy posessions. I'm trying to unload as much weight as possible. But I can't seem to part with any of my books or papers or crafty items. I feel these are useful for my Soul, so I keep them to use in the future. But as far as nic nacs, what's the point.

I agree with Daisy, it would be nice to be on a homestead and eat home made bread and hand grown veggies and such. This world is such a Matrix, I just don't see it happening. I think we Americans are just scared to have to invest Time into things. We fear so strongly of cutting our Time short on this Earth, but we spend so little time thinking or researching how we live now will effect our Grandchildren. What of their time? Will we have sucked up all of the ancient sunlight by then?

just a thought...

we are rewarded not by
our cleverest rewordings,
but by the experiences
that make words uselss...

Nova

NOVA

Return to Paris and palm trees?

Wow, it's been a minute...

How things have changed since becoming a mother nearly 17 months ago...I am a completely, and contentedly, a changed woman. Entirely JOY-full. Never knew the meaning of the word until my daughter appeared.

Speaking of which, she is napping, and I have such a large gap to fill of memories gloriously indescribable.

So, rather than reliving: i will begin from here. All has changed, and so stays the same.

Blessings,
B. Lee

baby~tummy belly cast...

well, so far so good, as far as pregnancy goes. The baby moves alot. Jeremy's number one reaction when he sees the baby 'morph' my stomach is "Holy Cow!"

i forget that noone else sees/notices it as much as i do, so now it's no big thing to me, but i do seem to drift off at times, watching my stomach move and dreaming about holding the baby.

that's really my main Want right now, is to hold my baby.

and to know whether it's a boy or girl so i can say its name... :)

the nursery is ready to go, all it needs is a little baby to occupy it. my cat will have to give up her favourite 'bed' soon, the diaper changing table.

5 more weeks...it's moving as slow as honey.

the baby weighs approx. 4 3/4 lbs. now. I'm measuring 34 inches. But i think i've grown since that last measurement. i go Monday for a pelvic exam. oh yay. the doc is going to check and make sure the babe is in position for delivery and all that.

I'm really torn between wanting to have a 'natural' childbirth, and what drugs i should take if i can't stand the pain. almost everyone is recommending an epidural, but i don't know if i'm comfortable with that. have any of you had experience with any other types of medication??

anywho, it's all good, i suppose. it's coming out either way. ;)

blessings,
bethany and baby~tummy

p.s.
got my bellycast done today. It was a miracle how it all worked out and is a really long story...short version: had no idea i would wake up this morning and get a belly cast done. The priginal "model" cancelled on the wonderful ladies doing a press release on the opening of their shop and they needed a pregnant lady right away (where are they when you need them??) so, i got a FREE cast done, and then it will be painted however i wish as soon as i know what i want painted on it. any suggestions??

compliments of

Mama & Me
Alane Jewel

Thank you!!!

::thinking on divinity::

i revere,
these shootingstars.
for i have had the portended priviledge
of touching their tails of intensity
as their light reflected upon me, momentarily,
but glows upon my skin incessantly.

i remain,
a radiant planet with rings
and strings,
maiden wings...

and the terra incognita is my wonderland,
my rite of caste.

i have found at last,
a liquidpeace to perceive
that i have fulfilled one of manifold meanings
for Being:
creating my magnum opus:

the genesis of the next genetic generation.

what more could an artist ask for?
what greater poetic work could exist?

it is this miracle-in-the-making
that holds the whispers of the Beginning.
a union of surpassing lovejoy,
the wonderment of amorous acts,
leading to the delicious divineness of One.

this new endeavor of
mother and mentor
has begun.

where's my pillow??

...this pregnancy deal is getting more difficult to bear as the days go on, and "it will only get worse before it gets better", a client informed me today. and "you're moving slower" an annoying co-worker said to me as i waddled down the hallway. No kidding. Thanks for regurgitating useless information to me, especially when i was already well aware.

...an overhwelming sense of bitchiness is overcoming me, and all i really long to do is stretch my tired body out on my oversized, comfortable forest green couches and veg out in front of a movie. i don't care about dinner. I know Jeremy will ask me when i walk in the door, "what do you want to do about dinner?", and i will reply, "I don't care. I'm too tired to care."

i just want a massage...some lotion. a comfy t-shirt. my Rajha-cat purring on my lap. Is that so much for a girl to ask? maybe a fudgesicle??

muscle relaxers would be nice. or a kiss from Mary Jane. or a sip of an ice, cold beer. But, no. Alas, my body no longer is mine, and mine alone, to intoxicate and numb. i must feel every ache, every twitch the baby makes (which has been my most enjoyable aspect of pregnancy, but after a while - enough is enough. too much of a good thing is not a good thing). But at least my baby is strong.

2 and 1/2 months (11 weeks) to go,
it can't come quick enough...

where's my pillow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fireside...

The tales you type with your fingertips inspire me to new heights.

I have been perplexed as of late, wondering when I reached my current plateau and how long I have been walking here. I have stories inside of me that have yet to be woven into a tapestry of words. It seems that I'm waiting for the right parchment to be placed on my table, or the perfect language to express the unexpressable...but after dreaming and waiting, i think it is time to learn to write on my forearms and inner thighs. Speak my words out loud so my baby~tummy can catch a glimpse of the wind that fills my sails.

I am a poet of simple complexities and, at times, contradictions. I want to smooth out my wrinkles in the silken stanzas, helping the simplicity shine through, so that even the passerby may understand for a moment the light that beams through my eyes.

The fireside was luminary and warm. Thank you kindly.